A Chilling Friendship - Part V

Now that she’s dead, I can write about her without fear of lawsuits or reprisals. We were best friends, almost sisters, until we weren’t. Jealousy overtook her, and as a result she intentionally and maliciously tried to sabotage my career. Revenge is a dish best served cold, they say. But my revenge was hot hot hot.  

THIS IS PART 5 of a TEN-PART FICTION STORY

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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

 

No one was in the house that day. Sophie was with her babysitter and I was with Ray, who said: “Let’s go over and see your new place.”

I was only too happy to oblige. I had moved some things in, although I hadn’t slept there yet. The room, which was on the ground floor, right off the kitchen, was tiny and dreary. Ray looked around, unimpressed. “I think we should try the bed,” he said, climbing onto the top bunk. With a flick of his hand, he indicated I should join him, and so, all too happily, I kicked off my shoes and clambered up. To my astonishment, this staunchly gay man threw his arms around me and drew me close, giving me a warm French kiss and pressing his body firmly against mine. He was wearing a short-sleeved checkered shirt and khakis, but I don’t remember any clothes coming off, just a quick unzip of Ray’s fly and a moment of awkwardness and confusion as my pants were pulled down. What happened next, I can’t really say: a swift schtup? A moment of penetration too clumsy and brief to count for actual sex? I was unaware of the sensation of his penis going into me and I certainly didn’t realize that he had ejaculated.

As far as I could tell, nothing of great consequence had transpired, just a bit of fumbling around that neither of us would ever dare mention to the other afterwards. For sure we didn’t tell Caroline or her boyfriend, Ronnie, what had happened.

But from the time of our little encounter onwards, Ray and I treated each other with the sort of constantly changing adversarial behavior of warring lovers – snide remarks, private references, secret comments, nasty in-jokes mixed up with moments of affection and a policy of always taking one another’s side. If it was confusing to the people around us, it was definitely confounding to me.

But I continued going to therapy, driving all over the state to visit prisons, stressing over pick-up times and babysitters for my daughter, grading student papers, planning dinners and outings with Caroline, trying to dream up ways to hang around with Ray. That was my life – guilt for leaving my marriage, embarrassment over the feelings I had for Ray, And then, to make matters even more complicated and difficult, I discovered I was pregnant.